HANNAH LEA VAN STAA
I DON'T WORK WITH CONCEPTS. I WORK WITH TRUTH.
AUTHENTICITY IS NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT. IT IS A DECISION – AND IT COMES AT A PRICE.
IT COSTS MASKS. IT COSTS ROLLS. IT COSTS THE CONVENIENT LIES WE USE TO CALM OURSELVES.
MOST PEOPLE WANT CHANGE, BUT DON'T WANT TO PAY THE PRICE.
I'M NOT HERE TO MOTIVATE. I'M HERE TO ENABLE CONFRONTATION.
CLEAR, DIRECT AND WITHOUT SPIRITUAL ANAGORATION.
TRANSFORMATION DOES NOT BEGIN WHERE IT FEELS GOOD.
IT BEGINS WHERE EXCUSES END AND RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS.
THOSE WHO WORK WITH ME ARE NOT LOOKING FOR COMFORT, BUT CLARITY.
NOT A GUIDE TO A BETTER LIFE – BUT THE WILLINGNESS TO
NO LONGER TO AVOID ONE'S OWN LIFE.
THE ORDINARY WORLD:
GENESIS IN THE SPIRIT OF FREEDOM
I COME FROM A WORLD WHERE THINKING WAS NEVER ONE-DIMENSIONAL.
KNOWLEDGE WAS POWER. BUT NOT AS DOGMA – BUT AS RESPONSIBILITY.
I WAS TAUGHT EARLY ON THAT INTELLIGENCE WITHOUT INTUITION IS BLIND AND INTUITION WITHOUT STRUCTURE IS ARBITRARY.
THIS SPACE OF TENSILS WAS NOT A CONCEPT. IT WAS MY EVERYDAY LIFE.
WALDORF PEDAGOGY AND AN ANTHROPOSOPHICAL WORLDVIEW HAVE NOT TAUGHT ME TO BE "DIFFERENT".
THEY TAUGHT ME TO SEE DEEPER.
TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE NOT AS A FUNCTION, BUT AS A SYSTEM.
BODY. MIND. SHADOW. ENERGY.
I LEARNED EARLY ON THAT FREE THINKING IS UNCOMFORTABLE.
THAT IT ASKS QUESTIONS WHERE OTHERS CONSUME ANSWERS.
THAT IT DOES NOT PROMISE SECURITY, BUT DEMANDS RESPONSIBILITY.
THIS BALANCE – BETWEEN ANALYTICAL CLARITY AND INNER KNOWLEDGE –
THIS IS NOT A STYLISH DEVICE IN MY WORK.
HE IS ITS FOUNDATION.
THE CALL TO ADVENTURE:
THE INNER COLLAPSE
SUCCESS IS A FACADE WHEN THE FOUNDATION IS MISSING.
OUTWARDLY, EVERYTHING WAS THERE.
STATUS. RESPONSIBILITY. IMPACT.
INSIDE: DECAY.
I KNOW THE STATE I CALL THE MOON.
CHAOS IN MY THINKING.
OVERSTIMULATION IN THE NERVOUS SYSTEM.
A PERMANENT INTERNAL NOISE THAT CANNOT BE TURNED OFF.
MY POTENTIAL WAS THERE.
MY INTELLIGENCE WAS THERE.
MY DISCIPLINE WAS THERE.
AND YET THE HANDBRAKE WAS ON.
I ENTANGLED MYSELF IN TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS.
I NUMBED MYSELF.
I LOST MY BEARINGS.
NOT BECAUSE I WAS WEAK.
BUT BECAUSE MY STRENGTH HAD NO OUTLET.
MY MIND—SHARP, FAST, TIRELESS—
BECAME MY GREATEST TORMENTOR.
I WAS DOWN AND OUT.
FULLY CONSCIOUS.
AND YET LOST.
THAT WAS THE POINT
WHERE AVOIDANCE WAS NO LONGER AN OPTION.
THE REFUSAL & THE ORDEAL:
THE MUD AND THE WRONG PATH
I DIDN'T FIGHT BACK IMMEDIATELY.
FIRST, I TRIED TO
CALM MYSELF DOWN.
I TRIED TO
RELAX.
TO HEAL MYSELF.
TO MAKE MYSELF “GENTLER.”
I BOUGHT INTO THE COMFORTING LIE:
BREATHING.
POSITIVE THINKING.
LETTING GO.
IT WAS THE WRONG APPROACH.
NOT BECAUSE THESE THINGS ARE FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG.
BUT BECAUSE THEY BECAME AN ESCAPE.
I TRIED
TO DAMPEN MY POWER
INSTEAD OF CHANNELING IT.
MY FEAR.
MY ANGER.
MY DESPAIR.
I SPENT YEARS
NUMBING THIS ENERGY,
CALMING IT,
TO “HEAL” IT.
BUT THE PROBLEM WAS NEVER
THAT I WAS TOO MUCH.
THE PROBLEM WAS
THAT NO ONE SHOWED ME
HOW TO DO IT
WITHOUT DESTROYING MYSELF.
I HAVE LEARNED:
UNGUIDED INTENSITY BECOMES SELF-SABOTAGE.
SPIRITUAL AVOIDANCE
IS NOT TRANSFORMATION.
IT IS JUST A PRETTIER CAGE.
AND THIS CAGE
ALMOST BROKE ME.
THE BREAKTHROUGH:
I HAD TO FIGHT
THERE WAS NO GENTLE MOMENT.
NO LIGHT.
NO ENLIGHTENMENT.
NO RESCUE SCENARIO.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE REALIZATION:
NO ONE IS COMING.
AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHERE
POWER BEGINS.
I DIDN'T NEED TO BE HEALED.
I HAD TO STOP
GOING EASY ON MYSELF.
I HAD TO STOP
TREATING MY INTENSITY AS A PROBLEM.
BECAUSE IT WASN'T ONE.
IT WAS RAW.
UNGUIDED.
DANGEROUS.
BUT IT WAS ENERGY.
AND ENERGY CANNOT BE DESTROYED.
ONLY TRANSFORMED.
I STOPPED
FIGHTING MY FEAR.
I LEARNED
TO READ IT.
I STOPPED
SUPPRESSING MY ANGER.
I LEARNED
TO DIRECT IT.
I STOPPED
NUMBING MY DESPAIR.
I LEARNED
TO TRANSLATE IT INTO CLARITY.
THIS WAS NOT A PATH TO HEALING.
IT WAS TRAINING.
MENTAL.
EMOTIONAL.
ENERGETIC.
THIS IS WHERE
WHAT I NOW CALL FEAR TO FUEL ORIGINATED.
NOT AS A CONCEPT.
BUT AS A NECESSITY.
FEAR IS NOT AN ENEMY.
IT IS RAW MATERIAL.
THOSE WHO LEARN TO LEAD IT
BECOME UNTOUCHABLE.
THIS MOMENT
WAS NOT A NEW BEGINNING.
IT WAS A RETURN.
TO STRENGTH.
TO RESPONSIBILITY.
TO MYSELF.
THE RETURN:
ARCHITECTURE AS A WEAPON
I DID NOT RETURN
TO TELL YOU WHAT IS POSSIBLE.
I RETURNED
TO BUILD STRUCTURES.
WHAT I TEACH,
I DID NOT READ.
I DID NOT CHANNEL.
NOT COPIED.
IT CAME ABOUT
BECAUSE I HAD NO CHOICE.
MY WORK IS NOT A PHILOSOPHY.
IT IS AN ARCHITECTURE.
A SYSTEM
THAT DOES NOT REASSURE YOU,
BUT UPLIFTS YOU.
I DO NOT LEAD THROUGH TRIAL AND ERROR.
I LEAD THROUGH RECOGNITION.
THROUGH PRECISION.
THROUGH CONFRONTATION WITH WHAT
YOU HAVE BEEN AVOIDING UNTIL NOW.
I DO NOT SHOW YOU THE WAY.
I STAND AT THE POINT
WHERE AVOIDANCE BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE.
AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHERE
YOUR SOVEREIGNTY BEGINS.
MY METHODOLOGY IS THE UNION OF THREE LEVELS
THAT MUST NOT BE SEPARATED:
PSYCHE.
STRUCTURE.
ENERGY.
NOT AS A MODULAR SYSTEM.
BUT AS A CLOSED SYSTEM.
WE WORK WITH YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS,
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE DECISIONS ARE MADE
BEFORE YOU THINK THEM.
WE WORK WITH STRATEGY,
BECAUSE FREEDOM WITHOUT STRUCTURE
ALWAYS LEADS BACK TO CHAOS.
AND WE WORK WITH THE BODY,
BECAUSE IT CANNOT BE DECEIVED.
I AM NOT A GENTLE GUIDE.
I AM NOT A SOURCE OF INSPIRATION.
I AM THE ONE
WHO STAYS
WHEN EXCUSES ARE USED UP.
I HOLD THE SPACE
WHERE TRUTH BECOMES BEARABLE.
AND I CHALLENGE YOU
BECAUSE I SEE YOUR POTENTIAL,
EVEN IF YOU STILL HIDE IT.
THIS IS NOT AN OFFER FOR EVERYONE.
IT IS AN INVITATION
TO THOSE
WHO ARE NO LONGER SEARCHING,
BUT WANT TO BUILD.
NOT SPIRITUAL.
NOT IDEALIZED.
BUT REAL.
EMBODIED.
IRREVERSIBLE.
THE PACT:
KICKING ASSES & HOLDING SPACE
THIS IS NOT A SAFE SPACE.
IT IS A TRUE ONE.
IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR CONFIRMATION,
YOU ARE IN THE WRONG PLACE.
IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
WHO WILL GO EASY ON YOU,
THE SAME APPLIES.
I DON'T WORK WITH PEOPLE
WHO WANT TO CHANGE.
I WORK WITH PEOPLE
WHO MAKE DECISIONS.
DECIDE
NOT TO AVOID ANYMORE.
DECIDE
NOT TO NEGOTIATE ANYMORE.
DECIDE
NOT TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT ANYMORE.
MY WORK IS DIRECT.
IT IS CLEAR.
IT IS NOT ALWAYS COMFORTABLE.
I CONFRONT.
I HOLD.
I STAY.
I DON'T LET GO
WHEN THINGS START
TO GET UNCOMFORTABLE.
AT THE SAME TIME:
I DON'T SAVE ANYONE.
I DON'T CARRY YOU.
I DON'T DECIDE FOR YOU.
I HOLD THE FRAMEWORK.
YOU GO THROUGH IT.
THAT'S THE DEAL.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
TO END YOUR STORIES.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
TO TAKE OVER YOUR ENERGY.
WHEN YOU ARE READY
TO STOP BEING SPIRITUAL
ABOUT WHAT CALLS FOR A DECISION.
THEN WE CAN WORK.
NOT AS COACH AND CLIENT.
BUT AS TWO ADULTS
WHO KNOW
THAT TRUTH CARRIES WEIGHT.
THIS IS NOT THE START OF A PROGRAM.
THIS IS THE START OF RESPONSIBILITY.
LET'S GO!
IF YOU'VE READ THIS FAR,
IT'S NOT OUT OF CURIOSITY.
IT'S BECAUSE SOMETHING INSIDE YOU
WON'T ACCEPT ANY MORE DELAYS.
YOU DON'T NEED TO UNDERSTAND ANYMORE.
YOU KNOW.
THE QUESTION IS NOT
WHETHER YOU ARE READY.
THE QUESTION IS
WHETHER YOU WILL STOP
DELAYING.
THERE IS NO IDEAL TIME.
THERE IS ONLY THIS ONE.
NOTHING IS PROMISED HERE.
SOMETHING IS EXPECTED HERE.
RESPONSIBILITY.
PRESENCE.
DECISION.
WHEN YOU TAKE THE STEP,
YOU DON'T TAKE IT
BECAUSE I CONVINCE YOU.
BUT BECAUSE YOU
NO LONGER AVOID IT.
THIS IS NOT A BEGINNING
ON THE OUTSIDE.
IT IS A CUT
ON THE INSIDE.
IF YOU STAY,
YOU STAY WHOLE.
IF YOU GO,
YOU GO HONESTLY.
BOTH ARE RIGHT.
IT IS YOUR DECISION.
THIS IS NOT WHERE MY OFFER BEGINS.
THIS IS WHERE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS.